I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
