I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
