Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
