Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
