it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
