I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
