i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
