the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
