no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We need to get me chipped asap
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
