Screwed.edu
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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