its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
