Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
