12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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