I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
handjob tips. give me some.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
