so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Alive.
So much puke
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
