That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
