Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
