Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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