i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We have so much sex to catch up on
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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