my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
