If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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