FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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