I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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