We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
