I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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