this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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