you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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