you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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