If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
