Christians are straight up FREAKS
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
