Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
