Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
