I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
