please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
