My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
