Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
pray to the hookup gods
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
