Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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