I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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