yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
