Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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