I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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