So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
