Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Randomize
