Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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