I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
