Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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