Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
