I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
