will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
