I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Operation Purity has been aborted
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
