so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
