i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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