every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We just shotgunned beers for America
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
